Deep Sadness in the Heart

   Tonight we are watching the Chinese TV show wumeiniang, and the JW visit us, i know why they are come here, because I stop attending their meeting, they want to know what happened to us, and explain why go meeting is very important, I am not ready go back, i still can not control my depression, i just fear that i will disappointed God again, I explain what happened when i was a kid, my parents dislike me and my father take me to the hospital to double check i am his son, i am so scared and nervous during that time, i have to protect myself and be patient then leave that home, the feeling getting strong when i attend college, they do not even trust me, and my mother seems different between other college mates mothers, their mother send money and keep communication with their sons, but my mother can not keep any secret from me and let me disappointed again and again, i feel so lonely, my girlfriend Amy help me working on my GPA, because i want them feel great on me, i want to go american. but the story is not end, when i graduate from university, i only have one year time to find a company, which can offer me a working visa, i create one opportunity in the hotel, in that time i have good relationship with a travel agency, but they are looking for the good hotel, so i just go to that hotel and tell them i have relationship with the travel agency and can help them bring orders, but i need few money and need someone guide me, because there is also another opportunity in Marriott Ritz Carlton, My daddy just tell go to figure it out by yourself, so i almost go crazy and choose Marriott, now i can tell that, i feel regret on that decision, if i choose sales, they could give me green card earlier.
    This is the first time i explain why i have depression and what happened when i was a kid, in that time, i know nothing just scared. why i feel disappoint with God, because i pray for few months, i am worrying about my life and mood, but there is no answer from God, or i can not find that, the website and ranking even dropped a lot while i did very hard work on that, I just want to happy, i need happy, i feel the life is useless, we are just eating, sleeping, making money and dying, what's the difference between human and animals?
     If my ranking go to top, then there will be tons of traffic to my homepage, i am waiting Yzenith Chinese food Recipes and Yzenith Authentic Chinese food to give me surprise